I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
