And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
