Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
