You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
