i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
