I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
