If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
