Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
