i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
