He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
