How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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