remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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