just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
