idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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