well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
