Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize