her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
