***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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