so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
