I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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