i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
