I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
