Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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