you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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