some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
