She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
