I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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