what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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