Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
