Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
