Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
