We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
