You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
