i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
