Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
