no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i've created a new STD.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
