Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's blow job season.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
