Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
