Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
