dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
