I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
