After last night, I could never be a politician.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
