Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize