Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My cat gives me a boner
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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