drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
