God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
