I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
