Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
As shirtless as possible
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
