and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
