Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
