No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize