***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
