My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
