if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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