Someone shit on the floor
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
