i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
