Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
