Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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