Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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