Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
