the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
