ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
