beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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