The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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