____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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