Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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