I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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