I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
